The Friendly Game​

The Friendly Game: Few other phrases twist more knickers than that one. It's an ongoing and unwinnable debate in the American Mahjong community. And yet, it rages on!

For some, the idea is that they are playing for fun and will forgive all manner of goofs and gaffes to prevent any hard feelings. For others, you either play by the rules or you don't play. On the surface, it seems black and white, but, as in most of life, there are some gray areas to consider.

When we're just learning the game, we give each other a bit of grace. Aunt Penelope can easily forget the 'order of operations' in a joker exchange. Your bestie can pick from the wrong end of the wall. And even you may forget that you can't use a joker in NEWS. None of that is a problem when you're just learning. Take-backs and do-overs are pretty common.

But when you've been playing for a while… that's a different story. The surest way to create controversy is to forgive gaffes. I can sense your surprise — let me explain! If we turn the other cheek on this little goof, then what about the slightly bigger one? Do we let that slide too? Without clear boundaries, it becomes a question of which rules do we abide by and which ones do we ignore? Imagine an ump saying to the pitcher, "Yeah, it was actually a ball, but I know you didn't mean to throw it out of the strike zone"!

And that's not the biggest problem! If we let Josephine skate on her blunder and call Eloise out on hers… Oooh- Now we're talkin' trouble! Just the suggestion of uneven enforcement can undermine the most easygoing groups. Years ago, my group chose to forgo all table rules and just play by official NMJL rules. In a sense, we let The League be the 'bad guys'. That way there are never any judgment calls. Just the predetermined rules.

And beyond that, mahjong is a game! To paraphrase Bull Durham, "Sometimes, you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." In other words, you can't win all the time, and sometimes we make mistakes. Some people are better than we are, some people are not as fabulously talented as we are (insert strutting here!). But none of us should be so delicate that if we mess up, we can't own up to it and handle the consequences. The consequences of a game.

The definition of a friendly game, IMHO, is one where the atmosphere is pleasant and welcoming. Kindness and tone are everything. If your group calls out mistakes with attitude and vengeance, that’s uncool and unnecessary. Knowing the rules upfront and following them consistently is not unfriendly. In fact, that’s what will keep things from becoming unfriendly! But like most things in life —  be nice about it. Please.